Its a ficus, Bitch!
I have my digital camera (my very low quality digital camera) in my office today so I thought I’d post some pics of the highlights around here. This is where I spend 8 hours a day, often times more…slaving away, chained to my computer (and updating the ol’ LJ, and chatting with most of you on IM and MySpacing and tinkering with the iPod and making long distance phone calls and running the Blackbird World Empire, but yeah mostly working).

So first, because I know all of you have been waiting for this for so long: My babies.

This is Chuck. He’s 1/3rd the plant he used to be. He had three stocks tied together with a twisty tie and over last month they turned yellow and died. I considered doing the old “Terry Shivo” to Chuck and just quit feeding him due to his apparent imminent death but after some consideration, I decided to untwist tie the little fucker and amputate his two dead stocks. The better part remains, and hopefully will flourish. This morning I gave him Sparklets water as a treat instead of the tap water here on campus which is full of hard mineral deposits as you can see building up around his midsection there. I should scrape that shit off. I’d hate to be “that guy” who is wasting all the Sparklets to water my plants so it’s a tough line to toe.


Next is Willard. I don’t even know what kind of plant Willard is but he has gotten twice the size from when I bought him. He’s got one full formed sprout out the back and a new one coming up there on the left. Isn’t he the greatest?


Last is my dear Billy the Ficus. Apparently old ladies swoon over ficus. He leaves a lot of leaves on my floor and all over my scanner, that’s all I know. I adopted him from my boss’s house when he moved. It almost caused a civil war here in the halls of CSUCI because everybody wanted him. Sticking out of the top there is a genuine 8’ “Martha Stewart” brand bamboo pole from K-mart. I had to buy six of those fuckers in a package because they wouldn’t sell me one. See how much I love my plants?


Here is my “zen garden” arrangement on top of my filing cabinet. Don’t laugh. I know it’s not much, but its mine. I got that mat for 99 cents at K-mart. It’s actually just a table placemat, but it has this tied bamboo fence thing going for it. I got some Dave Bergman magnets on the cabinet. Above that all is the Eric Waugh print I got at the poster shop. I don’t know why, but for some reason I had to have that frame and it cost me like 20 times what the print cost me, what a rip.


This is Anna, our new student assistant, wondering why the fuck I am taking pictures of my office plants.


Okay so enough about my plants and on to some of the other features in my office. My most prized possession? An original air guitar book that details all the intricacies of the subtle art form that is Air Guitar. There is some sweet tab in the book for such hits as, “You Been Acting Really Shitty Lately” and, “She Told Me to Stop but I Didn’t Listen.”


What are all those CD’s on my desk, Boss? Oh, they are just files I need for work…


This is my action figure collection. I have a Rosie the Riveter from the same collection at home but I hesitate to bring it for the following reasons:
1) She isn’t a real person, but an ad campaign and I hate to desecrate my shrine to what I think are a group of okay dudes.
2) She wouldn’t fit on the shelf.


This is all the crap I have sitting on top of one of my book cases. Yes, that’s my reflection in the M23 poster. I was given the “Ugly” placard there by the girls of the Sponsored Programs Office. They all assigned themselves personalities out of the “Which Teen Girl Squad Member Are You?” quiz. No one would admit to being “The Ugly One” so I volunteered. They all had their various character placards hanging outside their door in that office. I hung mine up for a few days outside of my door as a sigh of solidarity with their office but my boss told me to take it down. Now I just have a freaking Dilbert strip.


So I admit, I totally lucked out in the office department. I have a bigger office than most of the faculty and management AND my boss. Count them; I have TWO (2) [en Espanol=dos] windows that overlook this great little courtyard. It’s totally circumstance that I scored this room because its connected to another room where we keep files that I maintain, so its like, damn, looks like I *have* to have this one. I make sure to spread as much shit around in here as possible, and when ever we get shipments of crap I’m like, “Yo, I can store it in my office!” because I don’t want anyone getting any bright ideas about whether we might be able to fit two people in here. I don’t think so.